Going back home when you have kids

celinecorre
Aug 31, 2015
7 min read

A couple of weeks ago, we came back from France.

We spent nearly a month there.

It was great, we had an awesome time.

But oh my god, it was sooo tiring!

Because yes, when you live that far from your family and friends, going back “home” is not exactly what we could call a pure holiday.

No, going back is tiring. Exhausting. But not just nicely exhausting. What I mean is EXHAAAAAAAUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSTING. As in you come back from your holiday and all you need is a holiday.

When you tell your Aussie friends that you are going to Europe, they are all like “Oh my god, you’re so lucky. I so wish I was you. That’s awesome, you’re gonna eat so well, and drink amazing wine, aww the cheese! The bread!!! Croissants and chocolate croissants, yum yum!!!”

And you don’t really dare to say anything because you don’t want to ruin their dreams. But you know that your trip is not exactly going to be as easy as this.

You are going back home after all, not to a mysterious exotic place.

You’re going back where you come from, where you spent most of your life. Some place that you know by heart and which represents everything except holidays for you.

And you’re going to pay a lot of money for that. For the same price, you could go to some amazing place and have the most fantastic and luxurious holiday ever.

But noooo.

Instead, you take all your days off, which means that you won’t be able to take any other holidays before the next year, to go back home.

And now that you have kids, you also have to travel with them. People will look at you in the plane as if you had the plague.

Because let’s face it: people are not nice and kids lovers in long flights.

Well, it’s not exactly true. Some people are actually nice. And very understanding. They look at you with this sympathetic look to show you that they understand your pain.

Yes, because those people have had or have kids. Only them can understand. Almost. And all the other ones will hate you.

I used to be like this before having a child myself. Not mean or anything because I’m not that type of person, but definitely not sympathetic.

I was one of those praying for not being seated next to crying kids. And when it happened, I didn’t say anything but I was not happy.

And it ruined my flights.

Not one second I felt bad for the parents. I was just cursing these bloody kids in my head.

But now it’s different. I am a responsible grown up. And most of all, I’m on the other side of the road.

I’m one of those damn parents who are actually doing the best they can but sometimes there is just absolutely nothing that you can do.

The kids rule.

And I totally understand the meaning of this odious sentence that you hear when you don’t have any kids: “You can’t understand. You don’t have kids”.

Sentence that you hate.

And that you obviously can’t understand.

Because you don’t have kids.

But you disagree. And you’re 100% sure that you do understand. You would do things differently if you were a parent, that’s all. All the other parents suck, that’s their fault.

And one day you have kids.

And you understand.

And you understand that you were totally in the wrong and that you actually understood nothing.

Because you didn’t have kids. And when you don’t have kids, you can’t understand. Understood?

Anyway, flying with kids is one thing.

But then, you’ll have the jetlag.

After all these years, we had learnt to get rid of the jetlag quickly and we were doing really well, feeling barely anything in the end.

But now it has all gone out of the window.

Now we have a child with us. And she is going to be jetlagged.

Because kids are like alarm-clocks. A tiny daylight saving changes everything for them and becomes a big deal for the whole family.

So now let’s imagine 8/10 hours of time difference. Hmmm… Interesting.

Interesting indeed because to our great pleasure, Slo barely felt anything on our way there. She just woke up very early on the first day, then a bit later every following day. Easy.

But when we came back here, oh my god! It screwed her up completely. Big party every night from 12am to 4 am.

And it took her one big week to go back to normal.

Which seems quite insignificant summarized like that but when you’re living the thing and you don’t sleep for a week, trust me, it seems interminable.

There’s the jetlag then.

And the change in your schedule.

Everything will be mixed up, your child will lose all his points of reference.

If you usually work like that and you don’t really follow any routine really, then fine, your child will be ok.

But if you’re like most of the parents and you follow a special schedule (because you’ve realised that it makes your everyday life so much easier), then there is a high probability that you’re going to suffer.

We tried to keep a certain routine, but it’s hard when you are not home. Your child loses his landmarks automatically.

Slo slept always in the same portacot but in I don’t know how many different rooms. We changed houses every couple of days.

Sometimes every day. And she was very excited at first but then started to be lost, having nightmares, waking up during the night completely lost and in distress.

Same with people. She loves people. She is a very sociable child who absolutely loves being in public. She is not shy at all. She is actually the complete opposite of shy.

But even her got fed up with the whole thing at some point. She started to be frustrated.

We saw I don’t know how many different people. And each time we were staying with them for a couple of hours and then we were saying goodbye and going to see other people.

Because when you go back home after such a long time, your whole family is waiting for you.

And your friends.

Which is awesome. You are truly happy to see them.

And it’s good to feel all the love.

But with a child, you have even more people to meet. People you don’t even know want to see you and meet your child (colleagues of your parents, neighbours, new family friends, unsuspected cousins who suddenly make their appearance out of nowhere, … ).

And they all expect your child to jump into their arms and kiss them.

Lucky us we have a very nice kid who gives cuddles and smiles very easily.

Because after all, she didn’t know most of those people.

And everybody took it for granted: it was normal for them that she acted the way she did.

Except people don’t realise how lucky they were to be actually adopted so easily straight away. Lots of kids would just act shy and stay quietly next to their parents.

Because that’s what most of the kids do when they are meeting strangers. That’s normal.

But yes, people expect a lot from you and your child.

And it was very tiring for Slo.

So exhausting that at the end she lost it.

One month was a bit too long. I think 3 weeks would have been enough. The last week, she started to ask more and more for her house and her friends. She got very grumpy and clumsy. She kept hurting herself. She started to be a bit naughty too. She wasn’t herself anymore.

And since then, she has started to refuse to say goodbye to people. Even now. I think she got fed up with the whole thing and hates saying goodbye now. She got too frustrated when we were in France.

And a bit sad. Because it’s sad to say goodbye to people. Particularly when you know that you won’t see them before a long time. And people cry too. And kids can see that. But not necessarily understand why.

Yes, going back “home” is very tiring.

Good, but tiring.

And not as easy as it sounds.

And having kids is not helping.

But when you think about it, is it such a big deal?

When you look at all the joy and good memories that you have created when you’ve done this trip, all the people (including yourself and your children) that you have touched and made truly happy for this short period of time, it makes you realise that it’s probably all worth it after all.

Far from being easy, but totally worth it.

Ok, you wouldn’t do that every 6 months, but we can’t deny it: it’s good to go back sometimes.

Now, here are a couple of tips that I found very useful during this journey:

Prepare a bag full of presents for the plane.

But give them when your child is bored or starts to cry, don’t waste them.

The surprises don’t have to be big or expensive, anything can do the job really, as soon as it is new to the child.

Mini plastic animals, mini dolls, paper and texters, surprise eggs, playdough, small books, sticker books, small balls, little ponies, squashy dinosaurs, little cars, kids magazine, little puppet, small teddy, card games, little figurines, popper, glow sticks, plastic jewels, … were filling one of our backpacks and it really saved us.

Order special meals when you book your flight so that you eat before everybody else.

Kids are served before too.

If you’re travelling with a baby, order one special meal so that you and your partner don’t eat at the same time and then you can have turns to take care of your baby.

Travel one way with light luggage so that you keep some space for your way back.

To bring things that you will want to buy and let’s not forget the million presents you will probably be given for your children.

While in the plane, sleep when you can, don’t try to adjust to the time of your destination.

Kids are allowed to take any liquids, even if it’s more than 100ml, so don’t hesitate to take as much food and drink as you want.

Download your kids’ favourite videos and applications on your phone or Ipad.

Bring some pull-up nappies. Slo hates the wobbly change tables in planes so pull-ups made the nappy change much easier.

Keep your kids comfy. Dress them up comfortably, in their pyjamas and sleeping bag for example for a night flight, just like they would be at home.

Bring a comfortable blanket that they know.

And of course, don’t forget their favourite soft toys.

Have a couple of spare clothes for your kids, but for you too, in case of an unexpected vomit or pooh explosion (don’t forget socks because you can easily walk into something wet in planes)